flu-zy

I'm frightened America has been attacked! Swine flu national emergency!

Get out your dry wall masks! Run to the stores and grab enough tampons for 5 years! That way you can sell them in 2012 or have them to barter with all the lackey's who didn't think that tampons would be the new form of currency in an Armaggedeonistic experience. It would be, don't doubt me! I know someone who built a bomb shelter for Y2K and stocked up on tampons too, he had the same idea. But think about how much the times have changed since then? How many years have passed? Think about the vaginistic technology that has transpired! Collecting them now is like owning an ipod compared with a CD player or a tape deck (even though I'm not quite sure what a cassette tape is).

Okay, I am just concerned you may not be prepared with what you need and need not do during this time of grave concern.

1. Sneeze-nation...sneeze all over strangers.. Builds up immunity.

2. French-kiss random strangers at the bar. You are hot it will be totally worth it for them to risk severe illness and even death to make out with you.

3. Wash your hands every two or three days, no sense in wasting water.

4. Stay away from pigs. Real pigs, chauvinst pigs, you get it, pretty good idea in general.

5. Wear that drywall mask with pride, and make sure you duct tape seal all the rooms in your house, place of work, etc. Take no chances!

6. Be coughorific! Run around coughing and talking on your cellphone about how you are positive for swine flu and have a fever of 104 degrees. Try it when you are waiting in line, watch the ants scatter!

Be safe, shake everyone's hands, but the swine flu is very good for that ackward situation that you will undoubtedly will experience in which you see someone you don't want to and the Swine Flu becomes a great and safe out. I would shake your hand/give you a hug but it's likely you have it and then go and hug everyone else you see. Nice big bear hugs!

Don't get sick!